How to gain confidence: a simple guide

Do you ever see those certain people in your life that just seem SO sure about everything? Do you see these people that appear so capable and certain about their abilities that  it makes you wonder how they got there? Well let me tell you, that for those of us with common occurrences of self-doubt, building up and gaining confidence isn’t always easy. You’ve probably wondered how to gain confidence; but I’d like to share with you my tips on how to do this.

What is self confidence?

Maybe you know from my other blogs, but I’m all about defining something for yourself. If you’re working towards a certain goal in your life, you should be able to first define what that looks like to you. Don’t go off someone else’s definition; find your own. Whether this means doing some research and deciding what definition you like more, or maybe choosing a role-model; find your own way. So imagine yourself as someone that is confident: what do you see? What does self confidence mean to you?

How to gain confidence
How to gain confidence

What do you know?

After you’ve defined how you want confidence to look in you, I want you to write down what you know about yourself. I know this may sound silly, but this I believe is an important step in being confident. Sometimes life can get confusing, and what we know about ourselves can change depending on the people we are around, or circumstances we are in. So for starters, I’d like you to take the time to think about what you know about you.

Here you can write your favourite things to do, what you believe in spiritually, religiously, or politically (or all of the above). You can write about what you think about major issues going on in the world, and you can even write about what you think about certain people in your life. Most importantly though, you should write about your personality. Focus on the good here friends, this isn’t a time to focus on the negative. Do you think you are a good friend? Loyal? Helpful? Whatever it is, write down your positive thoughts about you. What’s good about you? This step can help you reign in what you do know, and therefore give you a place to refer back on when you’re feeling that self-doubt creep back up on you.

Confusing moments

Here I want you to think about those times where you feel confused, and often question what you know about yourself. These thoughts lead you to a blog like this on how to gain self confidence.

Sometimes we change who we are because we’re around a certain person or group of people. It’s when we’re left alone, being our true selves, that we may ask ourselves “Why the heck did I do that?” or “Why did I say that?”. These moments of confusion can happen in many different ways; but whatever they may be, just think about them and write them down. Let’s stop asking how to gain confidence and get started!

Being aware of the people or circumstances that make you feel like your confused about who you are can shatter your self confidence. It’s in my opinion that someone who is self confident is able to be themselves no matter what the situation is, but can be open to different ideas at the same time. These people who have a solid understanding of who they are feel less self doubt and less frequently wonder how to gain confidence.

If you write down these moments of confusion, follow through by writing how you will maintain being yourself. For example: Someone at work starts gossiping about another employee that they believe isn’t working hard enough. Because I enjoy this persons company, I’m compelled to come up with some other stories about this same employee. Afterwards, I question why I created more gossip in this situation. It’s unlike me because I don’t enjoy speaking badly behind someone’s back. However this person made me feel as though I should gossip to make what they were saying more true. As well, it made me feel as though I had more of a connection with the gossiper.

Find these moments of where you act differently and pin point why you behaved that way. Once you realize the ‘why’, it can be much easier to realize these moments in the future and decide to act against them. The more and more you practice these good habits of behaviour in a way that you approve of, you will become happier with your self. Ultimately, being happy with one’s own behaviour leads to confidence in you who are as a person. People will admire you for sticking to your guns! They will respect you for being you, and if they don’t, they don’t deserve to be around you.

What makes you feel good?

This is also a very important one, and is something I brought up in my blog about self-esteem (link here).  Take some time to think about what you love to do, what makes you happy, or what you’re passionate about. This can be much more difficult than it seems! For those that have been following the same mundane routine for years, you’ve probably stopped doing the things you loved. However I don’t blame you for it! I myself tend to get caught up in ‘getting things done’ that I forget to do things for myself. It’s such an important part of life that we must set aside ‘me time’.

If you don’t remember what it is you love doing, take some time to figure it out. Try out something new and see if it’s for you. If you used to be good at drawing when you were younger, try it out again. If you like being outdoors maybe try gardening, or going for a walk outside. Either way, set some time aside and do these things that make you feel like you are yourself again.

How to gain confidence

There will always be those situations where you may feel disconnected from your true self, and so it’s very important to do something that will serve as a reminder of who you are. The more you practice being yourself the easier it is to reconnect with who you are. It is therefore also less likely that self doubt will take over your mind, and as a result you will become more confident.

Find out who you are, stick to your guns, and create reminders through daily practices of being you. Set yourself up for success! Have a plan and follow through. For me personally, exercising gets me back to my true self and I need to practice this daily. It took me some time to figure this out, but I’m so grateful I did! I know that after I workout I will have a positive outlook on life because I feel good about myself.

Be you and stick to it! You will stop asking how to gain confidence, and have the ability to pull confidence out of your back pocket.

I hope your new practice will stop having you ask how to gain confidence. However like I said, it is a practice, so don’t be discouraged if you forget! You’re training you brain to work differently and this takes time. Be kind to yourself.


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